Since I can remember, I have always been amazed by the world. I knew, I just knew, that there had to be some kind of universal force that fuels everything. Some said it was God, others claimed physics, but we all felt in our hearts that something more was powering everything that was happening. Something with ENDLESS supply. Today, I discovered it. I have solved the problem. The answer is simple, the answer is clear. Proof is all around us: when you go to the supermarket, when you are driving on the freeway, even when you are watching television. The answer is no surprise to anyone that has experienced life. The force is overwhelmingly evident, and the proof even more overwhelming, and - at times - downright annoying. The answer, all my fellow readers, is this: The word, the universe, is fueled by stupidity; all the idiots that drive 30mph in the carpool lane, the endless supply of morons that are on daytime tv, the incredible stupidity of people at the grocery store. No one can doubt that such stupidity is omnipresent. Everywhere you turn, there's a stupid person waiting to annoy you.

Initially, I felt such stupidity must be eliminated for the better of the world. But, after closer inspection, I realized that without these idiots, we will not exist. There will be no offsetting balance for the intelligent, the thinkers, the leaders. The world would become one uniform and perfect machine, but will have no power. In conclusion, I would like to thank all you stupid idiots out there for fueling the intelligent. Now get off the road!




and don't say you'll call if you aren't going to!