Nightmares of Yesteryear

I remember at time when I was younger, about 9 years old, when going to sleep was something I did not even want to think about. It wasn't what was happening when I was actually asleep that scared me; it was the terror I experienced in the agonizing moments leading up to actually falling asleep. It is a bit difficult to explain through words what I felt.

I would lie in bed, looking up at the ceiling. Suddenly, it would feel like the ceiling was rushing away from me without making a single sound. Then, already in a panic, I would look around the room. The same thing would then happen to the rest of the walls. I would be left in the middle of an infinitely large room, alone and afraid.

Nothing would stop the feeling. If I stood up and walked around, I felt dizzy and afraid. The only thing I could do was lay in bed and hope that sleep would come soon.

Sometimes it still happens. Once a year or so, while I am lying in bed, the walls will suddenly rush away from me. I hate the feeling.

Another interesting thing that would happen during sleep at around that age was how I felt in my dreams. I would always feel my body was filled with lead, causing me to barely be able to move. Once, I had a dream I was in the middle of a war, going through the trenches. I would hear the bombs going off and the bullets barely missing me, but I would barely be able to walk.

On top of that, I also couldn't keep my eyes open during my dreams. I also felt very sleepy. Imagine the terror I felt hearing bombs going off around me and not being able to run away or even open my eyes more than halfway to see what was going on.

This happened for years - close to a decade actually - and I never did figure out why.