Ok so here it is:

What women need: A nice guy who takes care of her and is sensitive to her needs. A guy who listens and supports her.

What women want: A stubborn cocky guy who doesn't give them any attention and puts himself before her.

And therein lies the problem.

Here's a cute picture. When I play CounterStrike, I use the alias blue. The other guys rather enjoyed that and my team became a collection of colors:

dressed to kill.

Sunday was damn cool. Breakfast at Mo's with Yeva, then we headed to Mt Wilson and started out hike. What a beautiful place! We then attempted to get lost, but lo and behold, we ended back where we started. That was a good 2 hour hike I tell ya! Afterwards, we went to Whole Foods Market and bought some sandwiches, then ate them at - where else - Scholl Golf Park.

I got home, tired and dirty. Proceeded to take a shower, then spent the rest of my day playing Lemonade Tycoon, Halo, and Unreal Tournament 4. Lemonade Tycoon gets boring after a while, since you can't expand or do much more. I got to about $10,000 and retired that game. Halo was ok, but the guns are odd. Unreal - now there's a game! I love online multiplayer. I'll probably end up buying the 6-disc, or 2-DVD set. I can't believe games have gotten THAT big! It's a 6 gig install for Christ's sake (note: not the same masochist Christ who did a handstand in the water and had zombies as buddies).

I
am
so
happy

:-)

Kill Bill: Volume 2. Pretty cool, not as good as the first one, but it was good. Saw it with Emin, Jr Emin, Shant, Mike, and Artin. Then O. Then home, then umm bye.

I am so damn happy. Just the psychological effect of what happened is enough. Why is everyone unsure of themselves? Put your mind to it, and do it. Most people say "don't look back" but that's such a cheap way out. That goes back to ignorance. Actually you do have to look back, evrey single day of your life. The difference is you have to realize that you can't change what happened, you can only learn from it. What am I talking about? Legos. Yeah those things you built other things with. Legos. Verch.

I went to get doughnuts this morning and dropped a quarter on the way out. I knew I dropped it, but I felt it would be a waste to stop everything for 25 cents. Well, it seems the guy behind me felt otherwise. He ran all the way to my car to give me back the quarter I dropped. Very strange, but it did put a smile on my face knowing there are still caring (odd, but caring) people in this world.

I had philosophy class tonight, very cool class. Then after class on the drive back home, I started thinking about random things. Below are my thoughts in a more structured and compressed format:

Confidence vs Cockiness
There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness, although they are on opposite sides of the pendulum. The main difference is simple: action vs words. Confident people show their confidence through their actions. They make decisions and don't look back. They don't question themselves unnecessarily. They make others around them feel confident and happy without having to say a word. Cocky people, however, are the exact opposite. They tell everyone what a wonderful and great person they are. They take credit for everything that goes well and blame others when things go wrong. They make others feel inferior and stupid. Why? Because they are insecure. They need to reassure themselves that they are wonderful people.

I have met many cocky people in my life. Some are very intelligent people who truly are outstanding individuals, but the fact that they boast about it so much ruins their entire image. Quite honestly, I don't know a single confident person in my life. There are people who are confident to some degree, but someone who is truly confident in all aspects? I have yet to meet them.

Confidence is a very big turn on for me, although when it comes to the opposite sex, I always confuse cockiness with confidence. That is probably why no relationship has worked for me, mostly by the relationship not even starting. Some men need a girl who is clingy and insecure so that they can exert power over her to feel confident. I don't need that fake confidence. I want someone who is so confident that it radiates. I want to feel the energy of that confidence, and I want us to develop together as loving, confident people. I'm done.


Thriving Under Pressure
It seems over the last month I have become even more of a masochist. I've realized that I love situations dealing with touchy topics with uncomfortable circumstances, and where a decision with long-lasting impact needs to be made on short notice. I absolutely love it and I end up putting myself in the center of these situations a lot more than usual. It's oddly interesting...



Everyone knows that people always want what they can't have. Why? Because, by definition, you can't want something you already have. There! Crisis averted!


Thank you Gagik for sending me the above picture.

Went to Burbank to pick up food with Anahid tonight. Bought a 1 pound burger for 12 bucks. Going to the car, a gay guy winked at me, then saw Anahid and whispered "sorry" for hitting on me. Oh boy...

I just saw this link in Ara's blog, and I think the readers we don't mutually share should get a chance to read it too:
Ode to the Nice Guys

Especially with what happened last week, all I can say is... DITTO.

The joy of being atheist: I don't have to follow any pointless commandments, such as the 4th:

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it

Well I broke my Sunday ritual by taking my parents to Samba. I hadn't realized my mom hadn't been to the beach for like 6 years! We had great food and enjoyed the beautiful pier of Redondo Beach. I love making my parents happy.


By the way, why are there no instructions on how long to keep aftershave on your face? An hour? A day? A year? There is absolutely no indication. Isn't that odd? It's so odd it's prime!

My Breakdown of People:

5% of people live their lives in Reverse: everything they do has a negative impact on their life

85% of people live their lives in Neutral: sometimes they gather momentum and head up, but most of the time they stay where they are

4% of people live their lives in Drive: slowly working to get to their goals and dreams

and 1% of people live their lives in Overdrive: taking extraordinary steps to achieve success and happiness

where are you?

My biggest flaws according to Mary:

1 - I'm too passionate about everything. Every little thing becomes my world.
2 - I hate being underneath someone else, so I will do whatever it takes to be above them.
3 - I don't show my sensitive side because I feel it is a vulnerability.
4 - I'm too into my work.
5 - I let things bother me too much.
6 - I am very passionate about my opinions so I will argue them till I win.
7 - I'm constantly sarcastic.


MunchckiE: but how bout we point out the good things about u?
MunchckiE: ur fun, ur loving, and u make people happy when they're around u
MunchckiE: there
MunchckiE: put that in ur blog u monkey

janaa :-)

What do you guys think are my biggest flaws? Be brutally honest, I love it.

Every time I hear a truck backing up, I get this weird feeling inside me. It happens before I see the truck, when I can only hear the sound of the beep beeep beeep. To me it sounds like an alarm clock, and at that moment I feel like I am in a dream trying to wake up. Reality is just a more vivid dream, and right about now, I want to wake up. I went over the edge yesterday, I can't even remember what I did, but I know it was stupid. I guess it affected me so much because I wanted it so much, and tried for so long. But that's life... what a dream it is.

well... fuck.

Ok apparently people are not happy with the cryptic entries. TOO BAD! Things are just very messy right now. Today my brother in law went to the hospital because water started building up in his arm. Weird. It's April, and it is the most hectic month so far. Corporate taxes and personal issues and family stuff and what not. Had a full day at work today, then went to Yeva's and did her tax return.

And now here I am, sitting in front of my computer at midnight trying to figure everything out and can't do much because there is a damn lingering issue that refuses to be clarified. Maybe I do expect too much, but I always give back more than what I expect. Maybe the Arthur before was ok with just "letting things be" but not anymore. That's not how life works, and if you have to sit back and let things play out on their own, well that's just being a spectator. I prefer being on the front lines. Maybe that difference in itself is enough to make things not work, but I need to know that. Listen to Cranberries - Linger and pay attention to the line that says DO YOU HAVE TO LET IT LINGER? Damnit I HATE outstanding issues, almost as much as I hate it when people say "Arthur I have to tell you something" and then naturally I ask what it is, and they say "I'll tell you later." WTF? WHY DID YOU BRING IT UP IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO SAY IT?

Ok while I'm at it, I am going to bitch at everyone. If you read something and say hey I said that or hey I did that, then it's about you! Find your sentence! Ok what is with 19 year old KIDS (I am a kid as well) that decide they know the meaning of life and go around preaching what is the right thing to do. You SWEAR in the 2 years (if even that) you have been thinking on your own that you have figured everything out. The older you get, the more you realize you don't know shit. Next issue, people that still consider me a friend even though they never talk to me, unless of course there's a blue moon out and its 72 degrees in Norway. News flash, I am not one of your bestest buddies if you talk to me less often than I do my quarterly estimated tax payments. There are only 3 people I consider my closest friends, and don't ask me who they are because I got better things to do. Who else who else... I dunno, I'm done.

The closer I get to some people, the more I feel alone. Some risks are worth taking.

I'll wait for the answer.

Haven't updated this for a long time. A lot has been going on that I don't want to discuss publicly. It's just a very interesting time right now, and I'm just going to give it my best and accept what happens.


It's amazing how some things, even though you know 99.99% that it won't work, you still try because of that 0.01% chance. I rather have that than win the lottery, and the odds are about the same.


At least I know who I am, and more importantly, I accept it. My flaws define me, and I am very content with that.



Life's journey is a lot more fun with someone beside you.

it's time.

Spago, top restaurant. Spago, everyone goes there. Spago, it's elegant. SPAGO SUCKS! Oh man oh man, the experience was well worth it, but the food was horrible. I'll never go there again. Discussed some life, discussed this summer's activity.


I decided to wait.


I got my nails done today though!


So what if I mark them?!?! :-P