Our Honorable President

I'd like to present Mr. George Walker Bush, President of the United States of America:

Jump Out

George Carlin's "The Planet Is Fine"

I heard this on XM Comedy Channel 150 on the way to work, and I absolutely loved it! Let's see what you guys think of it:

We're so self-important. So self-important. Everybody's going to save something now. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven't learned how to care for one another, we're gonna save the fucking planet?

I'm getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. I'm tired of fucking Earth Day, I'm tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren't enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don't give a shit about the planet. They don't care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don't. Not in the abstract they don't. You know what they're interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn't impress me.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun?

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles...hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages...And we think some plastic bags, and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet...the planet...the planet isn't going anywhere. WE ARE!

We're going away. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. And we won't leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little styrofoam. Maybe. A little styrofoam. The planet'll be here and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet'll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance.

You wanna know how the planet's doing? Ask those people at Pompeii, who are frozen into position from volcanic ash, how the planet's doing. You wanna know if the planet's all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble, if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. Or how about those people in Kilowaia, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we're gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, 'cause that's what it does. It's a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it's true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new pardigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn't share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn't know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, "Why are we here?" Plastic...asshole.

So, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now. And I think that's begun. Don't you think that's already started? I think, to be fair, the planet sees us as a mild threat. Something to be dealt with. And the planet can defend itself in an organized, collective way, the way a beehive or an ant colony can. A collective defense mechanism. The planet will think of something. What would you do if you were the planet? How would you defend yourself against this troublesome, pesky species? Let's see... Viruses. Viruses might be good. They seem vulnerable to viruses. And, uh...viruses are tricky, always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed. Perhaps, this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system of these creatures. Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus, making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along. And maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.

Well, that's a poetic note. And it's a start. And I can dream, can't I? See I don't worry about the little things: bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we're part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand. A higher order. Call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. The Big Electron...whoooa. Whoooa. Whoooa. It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while.

Boredom + Talent =

A kid doing the whole Dance Dance Revolution thing while juggling three pins

Quite impressive, quite useless, but quite impressive nonetheless.

The Penalty of Leadership

The following text appeared as an advertisement for the Cadillac Motor Car Division of General Motors in the Saturday Evening Post on January 2, 1915:

In every field of human endeavor, he that is first must perpetually live in the white light of publicity. Whether the leadership be vested in a man or in a manufactured product, emulation and envy are ever at work. In art, in literature, in music, in industry, the reward and the punishment are always the same. The reward is widespread recognition, the punishment fierce denial and detraction. When a man’s work becomes a standard for the whole world, it also becomes a target for the shafts of the envious few. If his work is merely mediocre, he will be left severely alone. If he achieve a masterpiece it will set a million tongues awagging. Jealousy does not protrude its forked tongue at the artist who produces a common-place painting. Whatsoever you write, or paint, or play, or sing, or build; no one will strive to surpass or to slander you unless your work be stamped with the seal of genius.

Long after a great work has been done, those who are disappointed or envious continue to cry out that it cannot be done. Spiteful little voices in the domain of art were raised against our own Whistler as a mountebank, long after the big world had acclaimed him its greatest artistic genius. Multitudes flocked to Bayreuth to worship at the musical shrine of Wagner, while the little group of those whom he had dethroned and displaced argued angrily that he was no musician at all. The little world continued to protest that Fulton could never build a steamboat, while the big world flocked to the river banks to see his boat steam by.

The Leader is assailed because he is a Leader, and the effort to equal him is merely added proof of that leadership. Failing to equal or to excel, the follower seeks to depreciate and to destroy, but only confirms once more the superiority of that which he strives to supplant. There is nothing new in this, it is as old as the world and as old as the human passions of envy, fear, greed, ambition, and the desire to surpass. And it all avails nothing. If the leader truly leads, he remains the leader. Master Poet, Master Painter, Master Workman; each in his turn is assailed, and each holds his laurels through the ages.

That which is great makes itself known, no matter how loud the clamor of denial. That which deserves to live, Lives.

McDonald's Wants You To Have Sex With Their Burgers

This is a REAL McDonald's banner advertisement:








No comment on my part is needed here.

Random Pictures & Comics

My Caddy!

After much turmoil, issues, delays, tossing and turning, I am now a proud new owner of a Cadillac STS. Yes, I can now drive the 10 minutes from home to work in a sexy car, park it there for 15 hours, then drive back 10 minutes. I hope I do not wear the car out too much.

My Next Child

Hopefully within the next month:

2005 Cadillac STS w / Luxury Performance Package

255HP 3.6L V6 VVT
Remote Start & Keyless Access
DVD Navigation System
Bluetooth-enabled hands-free calling
Bose Studio Surround w/ 6 disc Changer
Sunroof, glass, with express-open/close, express-vent

Is it blatantly obvious that I am more excited about all the gadgets than the performance?

Anyways, when Araks and I test drove it yesterday, it was like HEAVEN! So smooth, so sexy, so elegant. Ten times better than the CTS. Now I just need to fix the Camry and hand it to my dad.

PS: If anyone knows of a good local dealer that will give me a reasonable deal on this car (MSRP $49,815... if I can get that down to $45,000 I'll be very happy) PLEASE let me know.







Update 4/6/05: Hopefully I will have the car by Thursday

April Fools

Although it was blatantly obvious my previous post was an April Fools joke, I just wanted to make sure no one took it seriously (like Ara, who called me past midnight saying "you're quitting your job????????"

Thank you all.

Time For A Life Change

After crashing my car the other day, I started thinking about my life and all it includes. Everyone always talks about making changes and they never do. Well, I'm gonna do it! From now on, I'm going to walk to wherever I need to go. If it's too far, then I don't need to go there anyways. Plus, I got enough money saved up to support myself for a while, so I think it's better that I spend my youth years exploring the world and trying to find my place. I got the REST OF MY LIFE to work, why spend these years on it?

But I still do need to make some sort of living, so I'm thinking about opening up a little shop and selling random items. It won't make me much, but it will be able to support me.

I also want to join a group of some sorts. I know this is going to be hard for some of you to believe, but I think that if I joined a church, I could learn a lot about myself. This brings me to my main point:

I finally admit that I might have been wrong this whole time about the whole God think. Now, don't get all worked up! I'm still being very cautious, but I have to admit that there some to be some sort of super power that has designed the universe and people. I mean, it's kind of hard to accept that we are so intelligent based on random evolution. So there! Now I want to find more details, and I think reading the Bible with less skeptical eyes will give me a better understanding of life.

Anyways, I'm gonna go give my two weeks notice and take the day off, maybe stroll around for a bit. Ah, I feel so liberated and FREEEEEEE!!!